Downloaded By Luke Hung

Nine months ago the Cylons attacked the Colonies. I know this because Six, of all people (things), is having a flashback with subtitles. Mr. Moore, I thought we discussed this? No more flashbacks. Actually this episode is not indiscriminately laced with retroactive memories so I don’t have to send more hate mail. In fact, I like the temporal references as it helps maintain continuity, Battlestar Galactica episodes don’t move forward in consistent units so any cue as to how time in moving is helpful.

We get a mini montage of Six moments with Baltar, as a snapshot of the downloading process. She awakes in a vat of illuminated fluid that I guess is supposed to be amniotic in nature, but looks more like astroglide to me. Yes, my mind is in the gutter, and I like it there. A cluster of humanoid Cylons is looking on at Six’s reincarnation, only versions that we already know to exist so no help there. Lucy Lawless, Number 3, will be our host as she is the only one talking. This Six I will name Caprica Six. Okay, I didn’t name her, the episode did. You can tell the episode named her cause I would have come up with a much better nickname, like Slick-Six, or Slide-Six, or the Astroglide-Six.

This reincarnation process seems disorienting and somewhat painful. As an acting tool, that’s useful, but it pulls the Cylons further from the “only machine” villain that most Battlestar Galactica fans like. It reminds me of the time they made a few episodes of STNG with the Borg acting human. Drove me crazy, can we not humanize our all-powerful evil characters, it makes them less terrifying, less relentless. Although, to be fair Galactica from the start wanted to go this direction, so lets hope they don’t go too far. Hey Baltar is in the reincarnation room, is he a Cylon? Nope he is a Caprica-Six hallucination. A shared mirrored delusion, perhaps a semi-spiritual connection, or even the will of God(s). Whatever, cute parallel, I grant the episode a point.

Now we jump to 10 weeks ago, Galactica-Boomer takes one in the chest courtesy of Cally, and she gets downloaded. Yes, another mini flashback sequence, but again they are forgiven, as it is just a representation of the downloading process, not weak writing or fear that their actors can’t carry a scene. This Boomer doesn’t take the reincarnation or the astroglide well, and screams us into the commercials.

We return to the show and Caprica-Six is being verbally tormented by Holo-Baltar. The billions she helped kill, blah, blah, blah. Three, busts up this little pity party and makes nice, ‘you can confide in me, trust me.’ First rule of television, never trust a character that says trust me. Another, humanoid Cylon wanders by and says “its an honor to have you (cap-six) on Caprica.” Please, they are treating her like she’s a pop star. She’s no Britney. And, how the hell can they tell each other apart? Gives new meaning to the phrase “they all look the same to me.”

On the Galactica, Boomer is going into labor. Not that labor is ever an easy thing, this labor is going poorly - a detached placenta and all. Doc Cottle is being gruff and non-supportive. Boomer starts hemorrhaging and Cottle announces to the world he’s going to “have to make the cut, now.” All and all, a great bedside manner, this is why he doesn’t have a private practice.

On Caprica, Three, the cylon formerly known as D’Anna informs Six of her fame and heroic proportions. She calls her mission to sabotage the defense grid “profoundly disturbing.” Holo-Baltar, cutely take offense, “The killing of billions of people, or does she mean the sleeping with me?” The really funny thing is, that she does mean the sleeping with Baltar. I must have laughed for 10 minutes, sleeping with Baltar, more disturbing than murdering billions (I can’t breathe). Ok, Three has finished buttering Caprica-Six up and now sets her to the task of helping the former Galactica Boomer who is now on Caprica. Confused? The episode is a lot easier to understand if you watch it. But in short, the previous Caprica-Boomer became pregnant with Helo’s child while on Caprica. They then met Starbuck and got transported to the Galactica and she became Galactica-Boomer. The original Galactica Boomer, slept with the Chief, blew up the water supply, tried to commit suicide and shot Adama. She was later killed and reincarnated on Caprica. This now makes her Caprica-Boomer. Get it? No? Oh well.

Anyways, Three informs Caprica-Six that if she can’t help Caprica-Boomer the Cylons will “box” whichever Boomer they have. Boxing is some sort of permanent storage of the memories of Boomer and I guess as close as you can come to dying without actually being dead. During this spiel, Three and Six are being watch by Anders and his band of resistance fighters. Hey, Anders you are still alive? Improbable, but what the hell, so are humanoid machines and faster than light travel. He is planning some sort of attack, we’ll get the details of that later.

Meanwhile, Sharon’s and Helo’s kid ain’t doing so well. She is premature and requires an incubator. A machine that needs a machine to live, I would say ironic, but that’s not really irony and I wouldn’t want to misuse the word in print where I can’t deny it later. On Caprica, Six and another Sharon meet. Sharon isn’t unpleasant but she isn’t exactly friendly either. She talks and does chin-ups at the same time. Grace Park must be proud of her chin-up ability cause she does it all the time on camera. Frankly she’s so cute I’d watch her eat Cheetos. ‘I’m craving a little Asian-persuasion.’ Holo-Baltar helps Caprica-Six work on Sharon’s resistance of reindoctrinatization, I’m not sure that’s a word, but if it isn’t, it means what I think it means.

Sharon’s not having it and starts screaming and throwing things. Six fakes getting hurt and tries to build some empathy. It kind of works, but Holo-Baltar needs to lead her through the rough parts. This is a direct mirroring of Six’s holo version of herself leading Baltar. They both want their partners to survive, but the difference is Holo-Baltar tries to make Six more human, Holo-Six tries to make Baltar less. During their bonding, Six learns that Baltar is alive and Boomer learns that Baltar was the one who let the “Betrayed us.” Holo-Baltar ignores the Betrayed bit and focuses on Boomer saying “us.” Is Boomer knowing that Baltar “accidentally” betrayed the Colonies going to bite him in the ass? I think so. Someone’s going to get it (Repeat three times in a sing-song voice of a six year old – little dance optional).

Anders explains why he’s in the episode. He is going to blow up some humanoid-Cylons. Why you ask? Because it hurts. Huh? That’s a stupid reason, too much risk too little reward. On the Galactica, Roslin, Adama, Tigh, and Baltar discuss the fate of baby Cy. Baltar argues against throwing the child out of an airlock. Who mentioned airlock? No one, but Baltar knows the President’s favorite way of dealing with Cylons. Roslin refers to him as Mr. Baltar. No doctor, No Mr. Vice-President, oh has his stock fallen with her. Tigh says it’s a machine so they can do whatever they want. Baltar counters, “half machine, half human. Lets keep that half in mind.” Okay decent point, but Adama makes a better one. “The Cylons want it alive, and anything good for them is bad for us.” Tigh is remarkably silent; I would say he is up to no good, except for Tigh doesn’t do silent evil. He does the wrong thing loudly, because he doesn’t think he is wrong when he does it. Holo-Six uses this opportunity to encourage Baltar to steal the baby.

Cut to the medical bay. Baby Cy, Hera – damn it they named her. I like baby Cy better, has improved a little, but she is very reddish. Sharon and Helo share a moment. On Caprica, Anders begins to plant the bomb underneath the coffee shop in Caprica-Boomer’s apartment, and Cap Six and Cap Boomer share a coffee in that shop. Hmm, this can’t be good. Boomer and Six hypothesize on why D’Anna put them together considering all the facts they could share. They come up with the conclusion the D’Anna wants Boomer to bring out the Baltar feelings in Cap-Six and then box them both. How Machiavellian.

D'Anna surprises them in mid-postulate and asks them what they are talking about. They freak and all they can come up with is that Sharon agreed to move out of her apartment. D’Anna calls their bluff and offers to help. In the parking garage, Anders finishes setting the bomb, but a Cylon arrives and cuts Anders’ escape route off. I told you it was too risky, but does anyone listen to me? No. It’s almost like they can’t hear me when I scream at the television. The bomb does what bombs do and goes bang and everyone who is anyone is trapped in the parking garage.

On the Galactica Roslin enlists Cottle to pick a potential adoptive parent as well as steal the baby. No Cylon will raise this baby, is her rationale. Better than her abort the fetus plan from a few months ago. Cottle says he needs time to find some appropriate adoptive parents, but Roslin hands him a list. “Pick one,” she is miles ahead of him. She just hopes she’s miles ahead of the Cylons.

Meanwhile, D’Anna and Sharon, locate Cap-Six under some rubble. “I’ll get a crossbeam and put you out of your misery,” offers Xena Warrior-Cylon. Umm, No counters Six, I guess one death was enough for her. Plus she’s probably concerned the D’Anna may figure out a way to box her before she comes to. Boomer sets her leg and soon after Six looks remarkably better, high tolerance for pain and really fast healing time. D’Anna then finds Anders. She kicks the crap out of him and tries to put a bullet in his head. Boomer and Six come up with some B.S. reason to let him live, interrogation and D’Anna agrees. She doesn’t seem totally convinced though. She also finds Starbuck’s dog tags in his possession.

Back to the Galactica, Cottle gives Helo and Boomer the bad news about Hera. Huh? Hera’s dead, well that’s sudden for anyone who wasn’t in the President’s office two scenes ago. Helo is confused “she was doing better,” he argues. Yeah, well enough to steal. Boomer is paranoid and starts crying, “who gave the order, Adama, Roslin?” She proves the statement ‘Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you,’ cause she happens to be right. Cottle tries to explain the situation “the baby wasn’t really doing that well.” Boomer ain’t having it, she puts the ninja choke on Cottle as she yells murderer. Three security guards pull her off of him. Fortunately for Cottle, Boomer lost a lot of blood during the delivery or he would have been toast.

Later, the Chief and Helo, use a Raptor to spread Hera’s ashes in space. Holo-Six blames Baltar for letting them kill their child. Baltar looks devastated and Six kicks his butt a little, but since she’s just a hallucination Baltar remains conscious. On Colonial One, Cottle, the President and her Aide, give a baby to a woman named Mya. The President asks if she can stop in every once and a while to see how things are going and maybe to kill her child if it is going badly. Okay, she doesn’t say the second part, but I guarantee that is what she was thinking.

Back in the parking garage, D’Anna is teasing poor Anders by leaving his gun just out of his reach. Boomer shows a little too much compassion for his plight. Actually, she shows a lot of compassion and D’Anna’s hatred of her starts leaking out. Holo-Baltar explains the plot for everyone who couldn’t keep up. D’Anna hates them because they have been tainted, and that taint leads them to love humans and by extension be opposed to the war. A point of view that cannot be disseminated without a possible peace movement, something D’Anna doesn’t want. Anders uses their argument to go for the gun and shoot at everyone, but he misses. How the hell are you still alive if you are such a crappy shot? Boomer knocks the gun from his hand and D’Anna comes up with it. She points it at Anders’ head and says, “God loves me.” Well, not so much as the quickly healing Cap-Six pops her twice over the head with a monstrous rock “See ya again soon.” According to her projections in about 36 hours. They let Anders go, handing him Starbuck’s dog tags and he starts crawling out an opening… where did that come from?

Boomer and Six plan their little social revolution and we’ll find out what happens next week.

Overall the episode was a B

Acting: B, Grace Park is better sad than angry. She was good, but I’ve seen her do better. Trica Helfer didn’t need to demonstrate the range Park did, but there were no identifiable weaknesses on her part. Lawless was also good and she didn’t tip her character’s hand too early. Michael Trucco was fine, he didn’t have much to do. Nor did McDonnell, Olmos, Hogan and Rhodes who all had straightforward minimal roles. Callis was amusing in his mirrored character.

Plot: B+, Turnabout is fair play. This apparently is the episode that they wanted to tell from a Cylon point of view. It didn’t give great depth into the Cylon “personality” but it did give a nice solid glimpse, more to come, presumably. I liked it, but don’t over humanize the Cylons, please.

Action/Episode Energy: B, Hard to max out the energy scale without combat, life and death risk, or incredible empathy for the characters. There was minimal combat. Also seeing as the audience doesn’t have a lot of empathy for any of the Caprica versions of the humanoid Cylons and since they can’t really die its virtually impossible to get that A. This episode didn’t.